Meet The Crew
The Captain
"Cap"
Back in the mid 1970's, a Black Ops government agency prophesied that the leadership of the United States would soon become weak and uninspired in the near future. With the Cold war in full effect, they feared that America would fall to the hands of the U.S.S.R. and the Communists. Being fueled by this phobia of defeat, their scientists created a formula that could alter the DNA of any individual and transform them into a born leader. After conducting a handful of experiments on mice, they found that this formula enhanced the rodents' brain activity by 200% as they solved every maze they encountered. It also caused each mouse to have a stuttering problem and grow an abnormally sized head, which forced the scientists to discard the formula. But instead of dumping the formula, it ended up in the hands of a pregnant nurse who mistaken it for juice. 9 months later, the Cap was born. For 3 and a half decades, he used his leadership skills to help out those in need. But during that time, he struggled to fit in and felt like he never really belonged anywhere. Then he met Mike the Finance Guy and Ralph the Tech and he knew what his purpose in life was…to create a geek podcast that informed and insulted.
Mike
The Finance Guy
Introducing MIKE the Finance Guy!!
...but who is he? ...what is he?
Not too long ago, in a major metropolitan city on the East Coast, a baby was found by a young, black woman, who loved and raised him as her own unaware that this child was sent from a Future Earth.
The child was sent backin time to ensure the safety of this planet’s future inhabitants A Future Earth where nerds ruled the ands (because none of them could swim)... Where geeks laid waste to simulated cities with merely the wave of a hand controller (followed by Y, Y, B+A, RIGHT TRIGGER)... And everyone was safe from Will Ferrell But the future was a world in peril from an unknown danger in the past corrupting the world’s beloved entertainment with ill-defined characters, derivative narratives, senseless series events, endless reboots, and constant retcon.
Though an eternal outcast from his peers, the child grew into powers he would later use to benefit all mankind. Taking a career in the financial sector in order to keep tabs on the course of civilization, this mild mannered soft spoken sort of opinionated kinda bitchy guy soars into action as MIKE the Finance Guy!!
Armed with a vast knowledge of most things nerdy and geeky, and wielding the powers of snarky Insight of Enlightenment, in-your-face Cosmic Commentary, finger wagging ShameShaming of the Soul, and the withering Stare of Truth... MIKE the Finance GUY alerts Earth’s denizens to the villainy of pisspoor media in all its wicked forms.
Ralph
The Tech
Towards the end of the Secret Cyber Wars, the Underground Hacker Nation was on the brink of defeat. They were suffering heavy losses when the government tracked down members by monitoring the sale of Mountain Dew, Redbull, and Doritos. The Leaders of The U.H.N. gathered their best programmers together to build something powerful enough to turn the tide in the war. After hours of tireless work, (and a two hour video game break), they created a Rapidly Adapting Lightspeed Processing Hacker. It was the ultimate fusion of man and machine, capable of much more then they ever expected.
After updating his facebook status to being awesome and a quick snack, the R.A.L.P.H set out to end the war. Using his superior mind and amazing computer skills, he fought back the government until they called for a truce.
With his primary objective completed, and his boredom levels dangerously high, the R.A.L.P.H left The U.H.N. to explore the world. His current whereabouts are unknown, he drifts from city to city, secretly helping all who are in need of... Tech Support.
He hasn't been spotted in many years, but rumor has it that once a week he disguises him self as an ordinary Tech Guy named Ralph and records a funny and informative geek podcast with The Captain and Mike the Finance Guy.